The SUPERmarket
by Freyja SilverWillow
Summary: The cupboard is bare, so the Titans face their most trying battle yet: the supermarket. Will they come out alive, or will Starfire's curiosity and Beast Boy's love of tofu doom them all?
1. Holy Celery Stalks!

Greetings one and all to my newest fiction! This bit of useless fluff popped into my head as I was reading other fics, attempting to gain enough inspiration to continue on my Labyrinth fic (when that was still pending). Instead, I got this. Anyways, this will be a...(sob)...many chaptered...fic. I had some trouble writing Cyborg's character, so be gentle. Does Starfire know about a supermarket? Probably. Do I care? Not really. Otherwise, have fun and enjoy the fic! (Slight editing to this story around end of April of the two thousandth and fifth year...)

Huge thanks to Rain-chan, Curry and Kani-chan on this. Without either of them, no one, not even I, would be reading this. Their screen names are CrazyGirl47, Tkay and Peacebunnie (respectively). People should read their stuff!

Disclaimer: I own...not the Teen Titans.

* * *

"Grocery day is a very dangerous day." -Rocko's Modern Life

* * *

The sound of a stomach growling echoed in the room. A fairly listless Beast Boy poked his head up far enough over the back of the couch so he could see. "Dude, are you sure there's no food?"

Half man, half machine, Cyborg stomped around in the kitchen, checking the cupboards and warily poking around the blue fuzz that covered the inside of the fridge for what would be the third time, answered. "I done told you, there's nothing edible. Unless you want to try the fungus in the fridge."

Disappearing from view again, Beast Boy hefted a sigh. "I'll pass. I'd starve first."

"We could just go for pizza."

A monotonous voice entered the conversation from behind a large tome. "Ugh, no." Raven lowered the book so her voice wouldn't be muffled. "We've had pizza every night this week- and last week. One wonders why we actually buy other types of food..." Raven paused for a moment, re-thinking her comment, shook her head, then continued. "But I'm getting sick of pizza."

"I almost hate to admit it, but I think I agree with you there, Raven." Cyborg slammed the refrigerator door shut as the blue fuzz started to writhe and reach for his human flesh.

Yet another voice joined the conversation from the table. "I have heard of a place called a 'go celery store'. Perhaps we could traverse there?"

The other Titans stared. "...Go celery store?" Beast Boy voiced his confusion by repeating Starfire's unique choice of words.

"Yes, I believe it is a place that sells nourishment that we all desperately need."

Raven was the first to make the connection. "Oh, you mean a grocery store."

Cyborg blinked. "We knew that."

"Dude, I can't even remember the last time I've BEEN to a grocery store. Who bought all the food before?"

Everyone was silent, exchanging confused glances and shrugs.

"I think it was Robin..." Raven trailed off, having no actual proof of her accusation.

Finally dragged into the conversation, Robin, who had been sitting next to Starfire the entire time, rose from his seat. "Titans, I think it's time we stop avoiding this. It had to happen sooner or later. Each of you, prepare a list. Tonight, we eat pizza, for lack of anything else, but tomorrow," Robin's eyes narrowed, "we're going grocery shopping."

It was Cyborg who spoke up after the heavy silence. "Uh, Rob? Don't you think that was a little over the top?"

"Why we? Do we all have to go?"

Robin turned to Raven. "I think we should, that way everyone can get what they want or need, and no one can get blamed for forgetting anything."

"I'm all over that!" Cyborg rallied. "Finally, I'm getting me some real food!" Beast Boy could be heard muttering something, presumably unflattering, about processed meats.

"I do not understand. I thought the food we had beforehand was of the real kind. Were we tricked into eating unreal food?"

"Ha! I don't think you could even call what BB eats food at all!"

Sitting up, Beast Boy glared at Cyborg. "Hell-O! I'm sitting right here!"

Cyborg turned to Beast Boy. "I know."

Ignoring the argument that had been started, Robin resumed his seat and shook his head. "Don't worry about it Star. It's just an expression."

"You mean like potatoing the couch?"

"...yeah."

"Ohhh..." Starfire smiled widely. "I understand." Throwing her arms up in the air, Starfire cheered. "What a glorious day tomorrow shall be! Traversing to the go celery store with my friends to gather real nourishment!"

* * *

Around 10 A.M. the following morning, the five Titans stood before the largest supermarket any of them had ever seen. It was fairly empty judging by the parking lot and tumbleweeds, enabling them to get parking close to the doors. They all stood, staring at the massive sign above the door, showing off to the world that the market was a part of a chain called The Ultimate Grab.

"Why do we all stand out here and gaze upon the opening? Is this some form of Earthen ritual before purchasing nourishment I am yet unaware of?"

Starfire's questioning snapped everyone back to their own personal realities. Casting an awkward glance to his teammates, Robin sucked in a breath, Starfire doing the same to make sure she was doing everything right, and Robin entered the massive store, the others following him.

Just inside the automatic doors, the team stopped again, pausing to take in the chaotic arrangement of shelves, freezers and coolers. The place was vast, but not large enough to be a warehouse. Starfire breathed deeply again and ascended into the air.

"Oh, how joyous! It smells positively wonderful in here! Who would have thought that gathering nourishment would tingle the senses so?" That being said, Starfire proceeded to twirl in mid-air.

If they hadn't already been receiving stares, they would have been receiving them now. Many of the patrons and cashiers were whispering amongst themselves, some were even ruder and pointed. One small child said very loudly "Look Mommy! Superheroes!"

Turning to everyone, Robin asked the seemingly innocent question, "So, where should we go first?"

"Meat aisle!"

"Dude, no. I am not going to stare down processed meats so you can practice being a carnivore! It's like watching someone thinking about eating your brother or something!" Shuddering violently, Beast Boy gagged.

"I do not understand. Why would someone want to eat your brother?" Starfire looked somewhat distressed as she returned to the ground.

Raven sighed. "Is this really necessary?"

"You think I'm gonna stick around while you decide how firm you want your damn bean curd?" Cyborg bent over some so he could stare the changeling in the face.

"You're just one of the reasons cows are pulled into slavery!"

"Friends, let us not argue on an occasion such as this! Perhaps we could all journey through the store of nourishment at our own pace so we may get what we desire and have no one watch if they so not choose to?"

Everyone turned and looked at Starfire, who looked back.

Robin, quickly replacing something in his utility belt, smiled at Starfire. "Actually, that's a pretty good idea, Starfire." Turning back to everyone else, he continued. "We'll all split up and meet in front of the register lines when we get done. Agreed?"

Random mutterings of "yeah", "sure", "okay" and "glorious" met his ears as the Titans wandered in their own separate directions, Beast Boy attempting to follow Raven nonchalantly as she picked up a hand basket, Cyborg heading towards the back of the store, and Starfire lingered next to Robin.

Glancing at Starfire, Robin pulled a cart out from it's parking area. "Aren't you going to look around, Star?"

"While this place is most intriguing, I would much rather view it together. Is that...acceptable, Robin?"

Smiling, Robin replied, "Sure." Robin paused at the magazine rack and picked up an issue of _Good Housekeeping_. Starfire, of course, copied him, picking more at random. Opening it, her expression became confused. She held the magazine up and looked at it closely. She turned it on its side, upside-down, then returned it to its correct position.

"Friend Robin, I have a question of great importance."

Walking over, Robin stopped beside her. "What is it, Star?"

Thrusting the magazine into his face, Starfire continued. "While most earth beings I have seen have different builds, all of the humans in this flimsy book are all the same. Could they be the same girl? If not, are they malnourished? And why is there an apparent lack of much needed clothing?"

Robin could simply swallow and stare.

"What is it Robin? Why do you stare so intently and yet so blank?" Starfire waved a hand in front of his face. "Are you ill?" Starfire pulled the magazine back to study the model spread out on one of the pages. "Do these visions produce such results in the people of your planet?"

Pulling the magazine from her hands, Robin did his best to keep visions of a certain red-head out of his mind, since they were pushing in the worst (?) direction possible thanks to one picture from a magazine. He was getting uncomfortable enough, making him insanely glad they were in public. Setting the magazine back on the rack, and shoving a more...appropriate teen magazine into her hands, Robin replied. "Sometimes. But not always."

"Do you..." Starfire thought for a moment, scanning the cover of the new magazine, "...sometimes?"

Panicking, Robin looked around wildly before spotting a sign. "Hey, there's a sale on creamed corn!" With that, the Boy Wonder bolted, leaving Starfire to stare at his dust trail. Without a second thought, Starfire flew after him.

"Friend Robin, as curious as I am about corn of creamy nature, you have yet to respond to my question!"

* * *

Humming as he walked towards the back of the store, Cyborg found himself reading the staggering amount of sale signs around him. The ugly red sale signs looked more like they belonged in a clothing store rather than a supermarket, but that was solely based on opinion. He almost didn't notice when a cane gently tapped him on the leg. Looking around, then down some, he was greeted with the face of a small, old woman, who smelled very strongly of lavender and Ben Gay.

"Excuse me young man, can you help me get something?"

Blinking, Cyborg relaxed a bit. "Sure. What do you need?"

"On the top shelf, the bran cereal." As Cyborg reached for the product, the lady continued talking. "You would think they'd be a little more considerate. I've yet to meet one young person who eats that bran, even in muffins, and they place it on the top shelf. Normally I'd just knock it down with my cane, but my joints have been aching for some reason."

"It's alright ma'am," Cyborg replied, handing her the box of bran. Taking it, the lady stepped closer to Cyborg, peering through slitted eyes.

"My, aren't you a large boy. Strange clothes though," she chuckled as Cyborg simply stood there, confused. "My name is Eliza Smith, but most people just call me Granny. Say, sonny, you're not attached are you?"

Eyes growing impossibly wide, Cyborg began edging away. "I dunno, I have a few...prospects lined up...yeah..."

Rooting through her monster of a purse, Granny Smith, wallet in hand, turned back to him. "I have a few pictures of my granddau-...hm?" Granny looked around the aisle. Cyborg was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

"Canned, sweet, yellow, cream-style corn has 184 calories? Who knew?" Robin read the back label of the can like it was the most interesting thing in the world. "One gram of total fat...no cholesterol...hey! It's a good source of vitamin C!" Robin held the can up as if he were advertising it, his smile so cheesy it was obvious it was fake. He ignored the stares the other anonymous patron was giving him.

Not noticing how out of character Robin was acting at that moment, Starfire floated closer, confusion clouding her eyes. "Robin, what is wrong? Have I said anything displeasing or distasteful for you to refrain from answering my question?"

"But such a high sodium level..." Robin muttered. "Well, this is 184 calories that won't go straight to your thighs..." Setting the can back on the shelf, Robin began to inspect the canned tomatoes sitting next to the corn.

"I believe, Robin, what you are doing right now is something you Earth beings like to call stalling. Why do you stall?"

"I'm not stalling. Why would I be stalling? Hey, green beans!"

"Robin!"

Sighing, Robin sat the can of green beans back on the shelf. "Okay, Star. I'll explain it to you. When a mommy and daddy love each other very much..."

* * *

Beast Boy was becoming bored, since the tofu was in fact, not stocked nearby, and instead of looking for it elsewhere, he simply decided to follow Raven some more.

Stopping suddenly by a gigantic stand offering M&Ms (two for the price of one), something clicked in his head. Removing a package from the stand, he looked around and saw Raven at the end of the aisle, apparently having a staring contest with the instant coffees. Practically skipping down to the gothic teen, Beast Boy stopped beside her, and held up the bag of M&Ms in front of Raven and waved it to get her attention.

Turning slightly, Raven sighed. "What?"

In his most suave voice, Beast Boy replied. "Do you know what they say about the green ones, Rae?"

Silent for a moment, Raven stared at Beast Boy before responding. "Please. That has to be the cheesiest thing you've ever said." Raven brushed past him. "And don't call me Rae."

"What? I thought I was being witty and charming!"

Choosing now to ignore him completely, Raven moved further away, where the vast collection of teas were stocked. Looking through the selection, she picked up a box, looking at it closer.

_Maybe I'll go with Green Chai this ti- wait. Green? _Raven took a sidelong look at the changeling, who was unconsciously munching on M&Ms. Setting the box back down, she picked another quickly. _Yeah...Egyptian Licorice Mint sounds good..._ Quickly dropping two boxes of the tea into her hand basket, Raven walked quickly from the aisle, hoping Beast Boy wouldn't notice her hasty exit. But luck just wasn't being a lady for her.

* * *

"But Robin," Starfire hovered next to the Boy Wonder as they wheeled down another aisle. "I do not quite understand. How would viewing pictures of such nature cause humans to want to have children?"

Robin paused, looking around the grocery store for inspiration. There had to be something...wait. "Look Star, mustard!"

Finally, the magazine and everything involved was instantly forgotten as Starfire's eyes lit up at the sight of her favorite...beverage. Hovering over, Starfire couldn't help but squeal. "It is most wonderful! Who knew there were so many flavors! And sizes as well!" Pulling containers from the shelf, she spared a glance at the label before sending it into the cart with alarming accuracy. Robin relaxed against the cart, relief flooding him. He wasn't sure if he could have handled the interrogation about the magazine any longer. Glaring slightly at the teen magazine that sat in the child seat of the shopping cart, Robin was so lost in thought he almost didn't hear Starfire when she began talking again.

"Friend Robin, are you aware that mustard was made in what was called 'as early as 42 AD' of your Earth years? Places called Greece and Rome -Beer 'n Brat? I am unsure as to what a brat is, but I am sure it is quite tasty!- had not yet used it as a food of source..."

Amazed would be what Robin was at that point. He could simply stare and listen as Starfire rattled on about the history of mustard, in her unique speech pattern, no less.

He almost hated to interrupt her. "Hey Star?" Starfire's face turned slowly to him, her face misaligned in her joy.

"Yes?"

"I just remembered we need cleaning supplies, mostly for the fridge. I'll be right back, okay? Oh...and Star? I don't think our fridge is that big."

Looking into the cart, Starfire blushed when she saw the fifteen bottles and jars of mustard. "Perhaps you are right, Robin. I shall choose only one more. Is this acceptable?"

Not wanting to press his luck after the whole magazine fiasco, Robin nodded. "Yeah, sure."

As Robin disappeared from the aisle, Starfire looked back at the mustards. "But how shall I choose only once more?" Distressed, Starfire sat. Immediately, her eyes lit on the large, five gallon jug of mustard, sitting innocently near the back of the bottom shelf, the last of its kind until restocked.

* * *

"Hey Rae!"

Sighing, Raven grudgingly replied. "What?"

"What did the head trauma patients do when the price of medicine went up?"

"Who cares."

Undaunted, either that or he just didn't hear Raven, Beast Boy continued his joke. "They went on stroke!" Beast Boy howled with laughter as Raven just rolled her eyes.

"Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?"

"No, but I'm sure you'll tell me."

"They're making headlines!" More insane laughter followed as Raven ground her teeth. Maybe if she didn't answer him, he'd stop. He might even stop following her. Unfortunately, Beast Boy was pretty stubborn, if not stupid.

"Why are elephants big, wrinkled, gray, and hairy?"

Gritting her teeth, Raven refused to answer.

"Because if they were small, smooth, white, and hairless, they'd be aspirin tablets!" More laughter. Raven could swear he was changing into a hyena, just so he could laugh like he was. An entire rack of bread burst open due to Raven's heightening annoyance as they passed the aisle.

"What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?"

Silent for a moment, Raven stooped to answer him. "A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito."

"Dude, no way! You've heard that one before!"

Raven snarled. "Stop following me!"

"Hey Rae, why does a chicken coop have only two doors?"

Clinching her hands into fists, Raven fought to stay calm as bags of chips from a neighboring aisle burst open and slid off the shelves, spilling onto the floor. _Breath in, breath out. Azarath metrion zinthos, azarath metrion zinthos..._

"If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan!"

No longer able to handle it, Raven turned on Beast Boy. "I warned you to stop following me." Holding her hands up, Raven began to chant. "Azarath metrion ZINTHOS!"

Beast Boy stared in horror as three cans popped from the tower, then relaxed "Only three cans?" He didn't notice the pyramid of canned beans shake ominously until it collapsed on top of him.

Lowering her hands, Raven sighed as she ignored Beast Boy's muffled cries of pain. "See what annoying gets you? And don't call me Rae." With a flourish of her cloak, Raven walked away.

* * *

Eyes narrowed, Robin poked through the cleaning supplies, trying to ignore the feminine products to one side, the horrible smell, and the large package of toilet paper at his feet. Finally deciding on about three bottles of Clean-it-NOW! and a package of sponges, he collected everything and started on his way back.

"Ohmigod! Lea, it's ROBIN!" The named superhero froze, fear clutching him.

A second voice joined the first. "You mean spike-haired, awesome-moved, skintight uniform, only in my fantasies Robin? _That_ Robin!" Silence. "Amber, touch him and make sure we aren't seeing things!"

Panicking, Robin took off in a dead run. Being fan girls, the two pre-teens started after him.

"Come back! I just want to touch your cape!"

"What shoe size do you wear!"

"Can I see your belt!" A muffled screech sounded. "Not like that, I promise!"

Unaccustomed to running after an athletic superhero, the two girls fell behind, but that didn't slow Robin any. Turning down an aisle, thankfully the one he was aiming for, Robin raced past the cart, dropping everything in.

Starfire, to say the very least, was baffled. "Robin? Why are you-"

"Can'ttalk, berightback!" Robin exited from the other end of the aisle. Starfire merely shook her head.

Unfortunately for Robin, he took a turn down the chip aisle, slipping on the snack-laden floor. Screaming, he crashed into the employee, who was sweeping up the chips. He didn't have time to move, Robin's scream being his only warning. If he had been watching, Robin could have seen the guy's eyes dilate right before he hit.

"Hey!" the employee snapped, shoving himself off of Robin. "Can't you watch where you're GOING!"

"Do you have to sweep in the middle of the aisle!" Robin bit back, jumping up. Pulling his bo-staff from his utility belt, he extended it and used it to clear the rest of the aisle, just in time for the two girls to spot their quarry. They alerted him to his presence with a squeal of his name.

He bolted, but this time they were quicker. Robin found himself backed into the dairy coolers, at the mercy of the two fan girls.

* * *

"I had to re-stack an entire tower of beans, no thanks to you!"

Raven glanced at Beast Boy, who had managed to find her again, and apparently the tofu. "I told you to stop following me."

"Dude, I kinda had to! It wasn't as if I knew where they stocked tofu, I've never actually purchased it anywhere except through take-out!" Beast Boy's arms waved wildly, the object(s) of his affection that filled the hand basket defying gravity as he did so. "It could have been anywhere I 'followed you'!"

"You found your tofu fine on your own. It's still no excuse for following me."

"Following you? I-" Beast Boy stopped suddenly as he ran straight into Raven. "Wha? Why'd you stop-"

"Shhh." Raven pulled back so she was hidden from view by the aisle, then pointed in the direction she was looking. "Watch." Poking in beside Raven, Beast Boy looked, seeing their leader, Robin backed into the dairy, being begged by two girls, both looking like they were almost in their teens. Robin, however, did not look happy.

"Pleeease?" The girls' voices were annoyingly high, especially since they decided to drag the word out.

"No." Robin grimaced.

"Pretty, pretty please? We promise to go away if you say it!"

"Doesn't matter, I'm not going to say it."

Their whining continued, Robin merely gritted his teeth and covered his ears to block the ever heightening sound out. Needless to say, it didn't work. Turning, he walked the opposite direction, forcing Beast Boy and Raven to dive behind a nearby stand of Good-a-licious snacks as the Boy Wonder hurried past, the two girls following him like a single unit. The two Titans watched until they disappeared around the corner.

"Hey, look, Yellow Cream Sticks!" Beast Boy held up a box of the yellow, cream filled snack cakes.

"Forget the yellow things, you idiot!" Raven paused. "We should follow them."

Looking oddly at Raven, Beast Boy set the box back on the shelf and looked at Raven suspiciously. "Uhhh...why?"

"Don't you want to know what they asked him?"

"Well..." Beast Boy suddenly leapt fully to his feet. "Wait, don't tell me YOU'RE just as curious as I am!"

"Then I won't," came Raven's curt reply. She grabbed Beast Boy's arm and pulled him in the direction Robin had escaped.

* * *

"Peanut...butter..." Starfire read from the label. She had grown tired of waiting for Robin and instead went looking for him. But every so often, which was quite often, she would stop to look closer at something, which would inevitably end up in the cart. And aside from the bright yellow of the mustards (especially the five gallon jug) sticking out like an owl during noon, she was shopping as if she had done it for years. If you were deaf.

"A thick paste made out of nuts? I think I recall something of this sort residing in the cupboards. But I fear this...chunky style...would not work with straws. We shall purchase the creamy." Setting the jar of peanut butter into the cart, Starfire wheeled along, humming something that sounded suspiciously like "The Twelve Days of Christmas". She turned down the cereal aisle and spotted Cyborg near the other end. Waving to him, she called out. "Cyborg!"

Grateful someone had a cart, Cyborg lunged over and dropped his various cuts of meat into the cart. "Thanks Star."

"I welcome you."

Passing a glance over the food inside the cart, Cyborg spoke again. "Have you been shopping by yourself?"

"For some time, yes. I was with Robin, until he went to retrieve items to disperse the mold within our refrigerator. After that, he ran by, dropped all the things he had within the cart, and I have not seen him since."

"Mm-hmm. Star, is that a five gallon tub of mustard?" Lifting the package of toilet paper up, he just stared oddly at the random types of mustard hidden under the plushy softness of the rolls.

"Indeed it is!" Pausing, Starfire looked at Cyborg oddly as he backed away, looking both ways before he crossed back to the shelf opposite to where Starfire stood, smiling as if to say "No no, nothing's wrong! I like standing like this, smiling stupidly! Really!"

"If I may ask, friend Cyborg, why do you stand with your back to the shelf and continue to look down the aisle?"

Glancing back and forth, Cyborg stammered. "No reason." His eyes swept the aisle again. Starfire found herself doing the same thing on impulse.

"Is there something wrong, Cyborg? You are not acting as Cyborg should. Are you unwell?"

Back and forth went the eyes, which meant his head was involved since his cybernetic eye couldn't move back and forth like his human eye could. "Star...I think I'm being stalked by a grandma."

A voice came out of nowhere. "You mean me?"

Cyborg let out a startled "Eeep!" before jumping into Starfire's arms. Granny Smith chuckled a little.

"So, was this one of the prospects you were speaking of?" she asked shamelessly, pointing her cane at Starfire.

"Creepy old lady! Did you just crawl out from the _shelves_!" Cyborg screeched, clutching Starfire like a lifeline.

Giggling, Granny Smith approached the two, Cyborg somehow managing to crawl behind Starfire, trying to hide. "You look like a big strong man... "Rifling yet again through her purse, Granny Smith pulled out her wallet. "I bet my granddaughter- where'd he go?"

Yes, Cyborg had fled yet again. Starfire giggled a little. "Forgive him. Cyborg seems to be acting unnatural. I am lead to believe he thinks you...'stalks' him."

Granny Smith, upon hearing this, let loose a shrill, almost maniacal laugh. "Oh, is that all? Well, I'll leave him alone then. You, miss, would you like to see a picture of my granddaughter instead?"

Smiling, Starfire shook her head. "As much as I would enjoy to, I must find another of my friends. Farewell old woman that strikes fear into Cyborg's heart!"

* * *

Beast Boy and Raven were still following the Boy Wonder and his fans. The silence was apparently getting to Beast Boy, because he started on a huge tirade, trying to think of what the girls had asked Robin to say.

"They could have asked him if he liked lime gelatin better than orange! Or if the Wayne mansion really had its own arcade! Or if he ever stole the Batmobile!"

"To do what?" Raven commented on the last bit. Inside her mind Happy laughed hysterically, Wisdom shook her head and hid behind her book, Timid blushed fiercely and Courage attempted to act out what Raven was thinking with Rage, who didn't like it one bit. Raven pulled her hood up to hide her reddening face. Just where WAS her mind tonight, anyways?

Snickering, Beast Boy began giving another suggestion. "Maybe they-"

Using her powers, Beast Boy's mouth snapped shut. "Beast Boy, don't even try to say it." Silence passed for about a minute. When Raven seemed convinced Beast Boy would at least remain somewhat quiet, she released him.

"I was just going to say maybe they asked him if his cape was polyester or from a thrift store or if his mom made it for him?"

Raven looked a bit sheepish. "...oh."

"What did you think I was going to say, Rae?"

"Nothing. Come on, we might lose them. And don't call me Rae."

Lowering themselves so they couldn't be seen over the stands of fruit, Raven and Beast Boy crept closer, hiding behind the closest stand so they could hear. Robin had been backed into yet another corner, against the produce and stacked cubes of Pepsi. Heaving a sigh, he stood, an image of defeat. "Fine. I'll say it -once. You got that?"

Both girls squealed. "Yes, Robin, master of our universe!"

Nearly loosing her balance, Raven reached out and gripped the cardboard in front of her. Beast Boy was indignant. "Hey, where's MY hoard of fan girls?"

"I would hardly call that a hoard," Raven commented, almost idly.

Striking a pose, Robin looked at the food produce near his hand. His eye began twitching as he mused how ironic it was before he gave himself up to fate. "Holy celery stalks, Batman! He nearly foiled us!"

Crashing into Raven as the two fangirls squealed -loudly- both titans were sent to the floor as the two girls ran off, leaving Robin to collect whatever shreds of dignity he had left. Glaring at the two who had been spying on him, he made no move towards them, and no words were spoken. He just glared threateningly, which was pretty effective, seeing as how it was being done with a mask.

"Get off me," Raven wheezed at Beast Boy, "before I make you."

As soon as Beast Boy and Raven had righted themselves, Robin let out a long breath. "Neither of you," he began, voice low, "are to mention what just happened to anyone. Ever."

* * *

Strolling by the deli with the cart laden with random food, cleaning supplies and several different "flavors" of mustard, Starfire paused her search for Robin, her attention caught yet again.

Approaching the tank of lobsters, she peered in, watching one of the more active ones crawl across the others that lined the bottom of the slowly clouding, bubbling water.

"Oh, they have an aquarium!" Turning to the man behind the deli counter, Starfire addressed him. "I must say, this store is most wonderful! The aquarium, though it holds only one animal, it is quite lovely."

Raising an eyebrow at her, the deli man laughed. "Aquarium? Right. You want to know what those are for?" Starfire nodded.

As they say, curiosity killed the cat.

"We sell them to customers."

"As pets?"

"As food! They take them and put them into pots of boiling water. They say you can hear them scream when you put them in."

Eyes wide in horror, Starfire stared at the man behind the counter. "No... you must be lying... they boil these poor creatures _ALIVE!"_

The man shrugged it off. "People do it all the time." Suddenly, his voice turned suggestive. "By the way, what're you doing this Friday night?"

Eyes glowing green, righteous fury flowed through Starfire's veins as starbolts appeared in her hands.

* * *

The beeping on their communicators made the three jump almost in unison. Opening his, Robin was greeted by Cyborg's visage as Beast Boy and Raven, rather than use their own, crowded around Robin to see what was going on. "What is it, Cy?"

"I'm not sure how it happened, but Star started going ballistic around the deli meats and has her own little army of lobsters, if you can believe it. With all her shouts about freedom, you'd think she was Mel Gibson."

"Can't you calm her down?"

"I tried, man. When I found her, she had broken open the lobster tank and a few holes in the walls. The only way I got her to stop firing her starbolts was to tell her she might hit her crustacean friends. She's still pretty upset though, and for some reason keeps calling the unconscious guy behind the deli counter a glempork."

"Since when did Starfire become an animal rights activist?" Raven mused. Neither her nor Robin could help at least glancing at Beast Boy.

"Yeah, suuure, blame the CHANGLING, just because he won't eat meat because he turns INTO those animals." Beast Boy's arms flailed, giving the impression of a chicken, before turning into one and pecking at Robin's feet, squawking angrily.

"We'll be there in a sec, Cy." Grimacing, Robin put his communicator away and delivered a swift kick to the chicken at his feet. Hitting the wall, Beast Boy changed back, rubbing his head.

"Geez, dude, what was THAT for?" Robin didn't answer, just simply walked away.

"I think he's still mad about the 'Holy Batman' thing," Raven replied, amazingly giving Beast Boy a hand up.

"Then why didn't he kick you too?"

"Beast Boy, would you?" Raven's voice deadpanned, a "duh" hanging off of every word. Leaving the changeling behind, Raven followed Robin. Beast Boy wasn't too far behind though, suddenly revitalized with the idea he could save another animal...from being someone's dinner.

* * *

It's truly amazing what you can find on Google. Thanks to the best search engine on the web, I was able to just look up the nutritional values of creamed corn instead of rooting around my... "kitchen" ...for it, and the history of mustard! And I know Cyborg wasn't very prominent. I'm glad I got him in there at all, because it's unfair to leave any character out. Stay tuned for chapter two! Kudos! 


	2. Beware the Apples

For those who are waiting for it, and even for those not waiting for it, this is your ONLY warning: major Robin/Starfire waff up ahead. What can I say, they're my favorite couple (tell me, was I the only one fairly disappointed when there was no Robin and Starfire snog in the newest episode, _Betrothed_? Meh.). I think the pairings for this story go something like this: Rob/Star, BB/Rae, Cy/Old lady (so I like being creepy from time to time. Not sure if you can call it a real coupling anyways). Bah, I'll stop now so you can read the important stuff.

Huge thanks to my beta reader, Rain-chan (CrazyGirl47) I suggest you read her stories, especially The Prank War, even though it's not Teen Titans, Curry (Tkay), and Kani-chan (Peacebunnie).

Disclaimer: I have a rather snazzy collection of Star Wars books, but alas, I own not the Teen Titans.

"The general rule about people seems to be 'Attractive,' 'Single,' 'Interested,' 'Mentally Stable': Choose two."

* * *

When the three Titans reached the scene, Cyborg was standing to one side, arms folded, simply watching. Starfire stood in the middle of the spilled lobsters, looking pissed, and muttering something in what sounded like Tamaranian. A few employees and security guards stood not too far away, obviously afraid of the girl who was at this point glowing green with righteous fury, who hissed on occasion to keep them at bay. Noticing the three who had just arrived, Cyborg began speaking to them.

"Right after I talked to you, these employees and security guards showed up and attempted to removed Starfire and get the lobsters cleaned up."

"She didn't take a shot at them, did she?" Raven asked.

"No, she hissed at them."

"What's so bad about that?"

Cyborg looked at her. "You've never seen Star hiss at anyone, have you?"

Leaping out in front of Starfire, Beast Boy shook his fists at the store personnel, who drew back slightly. "It's people like you who, who…locking up lobsters like they were…ANIMALS! You're all heartless! Lobsters are free spirits!"

This caught Starfire's attention, as she began to rant again. "These creatures must be freed! Nothing deserves death at high temperatures in boiling of water by klor-back varbler nelks!"

Sighing, Robin rubbed the back of his neck as he watched the two Titans rave, causing the employees to scatter to safer places, still watching them in fascination. It wasn't everyday the Titans went shopping where you worked, after all. A security guard skirted the hissing and howling Titans as they protected the oppressed lobsters, sliding in beside Raven, who was watching the whole scene with her normal indifference.

"Can we… uh…" The security guard bit back a scream of fear as Starfire roared at him, practically foaming at the mouth. "You'll take care of this? Or we might…you…leave…disturbance…" Giving into his fear of the Tamaranian, the security guard bolted, finally leaving the Titans to their own devices.

"Well, now that THAT'S outta the way, what do we do about them?" Cyborg asked. Robin frowned so hard it threatened to pull his mouth off his face.

"Raven, think you can take care of the lobsters?"

Dark energy surrounded her upturned hand. "Shouldn't be a problem."

"What're we gonna do about Star and BB?"

"I'll try to calm Starfire down. As for Beast Boy…well, I guess if worse comes to worse, we can always hit him with a blunt object."

Cyborg simply nodded at his leader's words. He had no real intention of getting involved, anyways. It was too much fun to watch.

Cautiously stepping around the lobster that sat among the shattered glass and dirty water on the floor, Robin approached Starfire. Suddenly, as if sensing him, Starfire turned and leapt at him, taking him by the shoulders and shaking him. "Friend Robin, you've come to help further my cause!" The world rattled before Robin's eyes, making him dizzy.

"S-star-f-f-fire…s-s-top-p s-sh-sh-sh-aking…" Without having to finish, Starfire released his shoulders and gripped his forearms instead.

"They should be free, Robin! No creature should be locked in a small glass box and have his hands tied!"

"Starfire-"

As if to prove her point, Starfire took a death hold on Robin's hands. "See? It is awful to have your hands locked as such!"

A fierce blush rising to his cheeks, Robin cleared his throat. "Y-yeah. Awful." Attempting to tug his hands from her grasp only caused Starfire to hold tighter. "Um…"

Raven, meanwhile, was having problems with relocating the lobster. It came in the form of a green spider monkey, which had a death hold around her neck and head. Really, it was the lobster's fault, going for his tail and all…

Turning an almost desperate eye to Cyborg, Raven attempted to dislodge the primate from her head. "A little help?"

"Sorry, Robin told me you two could handle it yourselves," Cyborg lied, not moving from his spot against the deli counter. A crowd was gathering, made up of mostly employees, seeing as how there weren't many shoppers that day, and Cyborg was perfectly content being a spectator. You couldn't pay for entertainment like this. Now, if only he had a camera…

"No he-annoying little-" Raven managed to rip Beast Boy from her head, the latter letting out an indignant shriek. Dark energy surrounded him and lifted him up. Changing back to his normal form, he let out another shriek, which sounded just like the one he had let out previously.

"Raven, c'mon! It was the lobster's fault! Honest! Let me down!" Beast Boy was getting a little freaked out. It was one thing to fly under your own power. It was quite another to be suspended midair in a ball of dark energy summoned by an annoyed female who could level an entire city if she lost hold of her emotions. Raven just ignored him, pulling some of her concentration to focus on her task of cleaning up the lobster. Starfire's hysterics was cutting through, however, making her even more frazzled. So, instead of simply picking up the lobsters, they were starting to perform their own flying circus, making the crowd gasp and back away, and Cyborg duck.

"Okay, this is starting to get dangerous!"

Robin was having about as much luck as Raven, though he wouldn't know it. Starfire's touch -if you can call the iron grip on his hands just that- was messing with his thoughts, jumbling them to incoherent. The only thing that managed to cut through were sounds, especially words and the voices associated with them.

"We must stop this evil!" Starfire fairly screamed. "Tying a creature up and then selling it to people to be boiled alive! No one deserves this, Robin! No one!"

"Um…" Robin shook his head, trying to clear it. "They're lobster…we can't just…" Realizing he was making about much sense as a criminal in a donut shop, Robin yelped, "Let go of my hands!"

The redhead's response was just as shrill. "Not until you agree to help me save them, Robin!" A lobster breezed past, unnoticed by both. Cyborg could be heard moments later, a cry of pain sounding from his throat as he was more or less attacked by one of the flying crustaceans.

"Rae! Put the things DOWN!"

Struggling to pull his thoughts together, Robin pieced the phrase together slowly and carefully. "Starfire, we can't just let the lobsters go. That's stealing."

But she refused; either that or she was too hysterical to listen. "No, it is the right thing to do!"

"Starfire, I-"

A voice ground out from nearby, angry and obviously Raven's. "_Will you PLEASE shut her up!_" Raven's words sank in and processed. Heeding her "advice" with the capacity his mind would allow, Robin did the only thing he could think of.

Almost forcing his mouth upon hers, Robin compulsively caught Starfire in his arms as she fell limp with shock. Startled gasps and murmurs shot through the crowd as Cyborg's jaw hit the floor, a well placed "WHOA!" tumbling out. Raven and Beast Boy were silent and wide-eyed for a few moments.

"Didn't see that coming," Raven muttered, her concentration shattered, but her control back. Tucking into the confines of her cloak and pulling her hood up, she released Beast Boy, who fell to the ground with a loud thud as it began to rain lobsters.

"Do they even remember they're in public!"

After the initial shock wore off, which was pretty quick, Robin could have stopped and let Starfire go. But…he wanted to be sure she'd be…quiet. Especially since Starfire had begun to respond, lifting her hands to stroke his face, pulling him even closer. Leaning further into the kiss, one of Robin's hands snaked its way into her hair, making him wish he didn't have gloves on.

As he watched with interest, amusement and a whole lot of shock, something in his peripheral vision caused Cyborg to turn. Granny Smith was standing at his elbow, innocently watching Robin and Starfire embrace, an odd smirk on her lips. "Quite the show, ey, young man? What is it you kids call what they're doing now? 'Sucking face'? Maybe we should try it, ey?" Jabbing Cyborg playfully in the side, Granny Smith laughed.

Panicking, Cyborg ran up beside the preoccupied Starfire and Robin, arms flailing wildly. "Alright you guys, break it up! You've had your fun! Break it up, guys, now! That ain't right!" Cyborg's words didn't reach them, however.

Instead, it was the sudden, earsplitting scream that broke them up. Startled, Starfire and Robin broke apart, their "protect the person who just screamed" reflex automatically kicking in, only to stare, confused, as the man behind the deli ran out, screaming.

"Oh Gods! Getitoff!" A lobster was attached deftly to his arm, flapping as the man waved, trying to fling the lobster off. "Get it OFF! My hair! Oh gods, they're in my hair! Getthemoff!" Running, still screaming, blinded completely by his fear, the deli man ran right into a shelf, blacking out. The (small) crowd groaned in sympathy.

Lowering her hand, the star bolt Starfire had at ready dissipated. Turning to the other Titans, she smiled. "See? Are the lobster not worthy of being our allies?" Suddenly frowning, Starfire looked back at Robin. "What just happened, Robin… maybe…?"

Trying keep down the feeling this was going to turn bad, that she was going to say something to the effect of "touch me again like that and die," Robin summed up his thoughts, and as eloquently as he could, he replied. "Uhhh…"

"May we do it again, friend Robin? I found it most wonderful. I also feel as if I should see you in as little attire as those people pictured in the magazine for some strange reason."

Beet red, Robin's jaw went through the floor. Popping up behind Robin, Cyborg broke in. "Uh, Star? What type of magazines you been reading?"

Looking around, Robin was desperate to distract Starfire. Where was the mustard when you needed it? Better yet, where was the cart?

Raven had been, during the interval, fixing the broken lobster tank with her powers, then setting the crustaceans in by hand (including removing the one attached to the currently out-of-service deli guy) while Beast Boy kept trying to convince her otherwise. She wasn't able to hear much other than Beast Boy's caterwauling.

"What if that lobster was a friend of yours?"

Sighing in exasperation, Raven replied. "They're not, so why does it matter?" Placing another lobster in the tank, Raven continued. "Starfire's a bad influence on you."

"You wouldn't want me to do die, would you? Would you want to eat me!" Attempting to prove his point, Beast Boy changed into a lobster. Regarding him coolly, Raven set the final lobster into the tank, then picked Beast Boy up.

"You're right. I wouldn't want to eat you. But maybe someone else would." Raven tossed Beast Boy into the tank, sealing it with her powers just as an explosion rocked the floor, smoke billowing above the shelves.

"What the-" Cyborg began, but was cut off by the P.A. system.

"…You really want me to? Okay..." The sound of a throat being cleared could be heard. "Teen Titans, clean up…I mean, HELP! on aisle five.."

Staring incredulously at the ceiling, Robin was nearly speechless, the only phrase he could think of coming out as a mutter. "You have got to be kidding me…" Then it hit him. Mayhem! The perfect distraction! "YES! An evil super villain is victimizing someone! I mean... err, Titans, go! Cy, Star, BB, with me, Raven, fix the lobsters and catch up! Oh, and find the cart!"

Raising an eyebrow, Raven watched as Cyborg and Robin ran off, trailed only slightly by Starfire, who was flying. "Fix the lobsters?" She looked around. "I guess that's done. Now I get to find the cart. Oh joy..." Picking up the basket that held her tea from its perch on the deli, Raven pulled the stray lobster out and returned it to the tank quickly before going in search of the shopping cart.

* * *

'You shouldn't have left him there.'

Raven frowned, attempting to ignore the brown robed Worry. She had found the cart-at least, she assumed it was theirs, as it was filled with more mustard and red meat than Raven had ever seen before in her life, at least in one place-overturned about two aisles away from the deli. After she had righted the cart, returned the items and added her tea and Beast Boy's tofu, which she had accidentally found, she pushed the cart ahead of her, towards the sound of the battle. It was then her emotions decided to heckle her, acting like shoulder fairies.

'What if something happens to him? What if someone actually does decide to eat him?'

Timid hid behind Worry as she spoke. 'He won't like us after he gets out.'

'If he gets out alive.'

Blowing a strand of hair out of her face, Raven responded out loud. "No one's going to eat a green lobster."

'How do you know?' Worry put an arm around Timid, a form of comfort.

'He got what he deserved. It was coming to him. Being eaten would be the least of his problems,' Rage muttered, tugging at the leash that was attached to the collar around her neck. Love narrowed her eyes and jerked on the leash hard, sending Rage into a fit of coughing and hacking.

'Who cares? It's just an annoying, green changing thing. The world won't end with him.' Yawning, Apathy turned over and went back to sleep. Happy poked her and jumped back when she let out a loud snore.

'I do admit, it was rather unethical of you to toss him into the lobster tank as you did,' Wisdom added, backing up Worry.

'What if he can't get out? What if-'

'What if, what if!' Courage pushed Worry over with her foot. 'You always did whine too much.'

'I think it's funny!' Happy cheered, skipping around. 'Tossing him into the tank! WHEE!' Spinning on her heel several times, Happy fell, too dizzy to stand anymore. 'And Raven told me something funny!' Happy giggled, pointing to the lavender robed persona. 'She told me that people pick on people they like a lot!'

All the others looked oddly at Love, save Rage, who simply snorted. Head snapping up, Love met their gazes. 'I've never said anything like that in my life.'

'Yes you did…' Happy taunted, smile threatening to crack her face.

"I should commit myself," Raven muttered under her breath. Pulling the cart to a stop, Raven entered aisle five, finding only debris and food strewn everywhere. Feeling around for her communicator, she found it and opened it, turning it on. "Guys? Where are you?"

Immediately, she was met with Cyborg's face. "Yo, Rae. We're in the frozen foods. And the 'villain,' a term I use lightly, has locked herself in one of the freezers and's making fun of the employees and us. At least, that's what we think she's doing; we can't exactly hear her."

"What's she doing?" The image in the communicator turned rapidly, ending on the image of a girl, inside a freezer. She was dancing inside of it, making faces, pulling on her blonde pigtails, and also appeared to be shivering, but it was hard to tell, especially since she kept moving around and shaking her butt at everyone outside the freezer. "…That's the problem?"

"Unfortunately. By the way, have you seen BB?"

"Beast Boy?" Raven paused. "He was tanked."

"Tanked?" Cyborg turned the communicator back to himself. "He seemed fine to me when he was attached to you. What happened?"

"Let's just say he's spending a little quality time with his fish friends."

Looking at her, confused, it finally dawned on him. "You threw him in the LOBSTER TANK! How could you!"

"It was easy. I picked him up-"

"You threw him IN THE LOBSTER TANK?" Suddenly, the line went dead. Raven stared into the static for a moment, before closing her communicator.

"That went over well."

Instead of walking, Raven levitated above the shelves, searching the frozen food section out. It didn't take long, as another explosion rocked the store and the smoke called out to her like a bookstore in a mall. When she reached the site, she found Starfire holding up a rather dazed Robin. "What happened?"

"I am unsure, friend Raven. Cyborg left, Beast Boy cannot be found, and the person within the arctic food preservation unit has exploding food of some kind."

Robin looked at Raven. "Boom."

"I fear Robin was close to the door when she tossed the accursed golden food out."

Looking at the door, the girl inside was busy mooning the employees. Gritting her teeth, Raven walked to the freezer door and tapped on the glass. Turning, the girl eyed Raven strangely before cracking the door open.

"I'm sorry, freaky Goth girl; I'm not accepting visitors at this time." The door shut again. Eyes narrowing, Raven lifted her hands, a black aura field surrounding the door, startling the girl inside. Ripping it from its hinges, the door flew off and crashed into the shelves behind her, forcing some of the employees to duck.

"Oh, but I insist!" Raven hissed. Black aura creeping up the girl's legs, she panicked and threw something at Raven's face. Distracted, Raven released the girl to duck, only to be knocked forward into the now empty freezer by the explosion.

"They're apples. Cheesy, but oddly enough, not clichéd," Raven muttered, standing.

"Do you honestly think you can defeat me? I am ERIS! GODDESS OF DISCORD!" With that out in the open, the girl who called herself Eris began to laugh, forcing nearly everyone to cover his or her ears. It was horrible, high pitched and neurotic, a repetitive "OH HO HO HO HO," threatening to drive them all insane. Even so, it was forced, as if it wasn't her real laugh, just something she was copying.

"Titans! After her!" Robin had finally been forcibly snapped out of his daze by a slap from Starfire, which not only somehow managed to clear his head, but also earned him a large red mark on one cheek that looked like it was starting to bruise.

Upon hearing the Boy Wonder, Eris narrowed her eyes and slammed her feet into the ground, as if she was throwing a tantrum. Instead, she sprang a good couple of feet into the air, away from the Titans. Everyone could see the springs in her shoes.

"Please say you're joking." No one was sure who said it, but the joke only got worse as Eris slammed into a shelf, fell, and let out a very loud "OWWWIE" only to resume springing away. Tossing an apple towards them, she managed to round the corner without mishap, just as the explosion forced the Titans to back away. Not seconds later a yell could be heard from the way Eris had gone, followed by a crash.

"Yanno, she's pretty good-" Cyborg paused as they heard Eris scream, then the sound of another crash, causing him to amend his statement. "She's almost pretty good with those springs on her." Starfire and Raven turned at the sudden sound of his voice. Cyborg simply looked at them and shrugged. "And I thought she was trying to be a penguin."

"Titans! Let's go!" Robin started off, then realized he wasn't being followed. Grabbing Starfire's arm, he dragged her off, leaving Cyborg and Raven.

"Where's Beast Boy?"

Shrugging, Cyborg glanced at Raven grimly.

"Cyborg, where IS HE!"

"Why do you care? You tossed him in the lobster tank."

Fearing the worst, Raven levitated and took off for the deli, leaving behind a smirking Cyborg, who jogged after Starfire and Robin.

* * *

Rushing back to the deli, Raven stopped cold, watching as the female employee handed the old woman a sack. Praying it wasn't what she thought it was, she walked briskly to the lobster tank and peered inside. He wasn't there. Fighting the panic rising within her, Raven approached the old woman and tapped her on the shoulder. "Excuse me, ma'am?"

When the lady faced her, Raven got the funny feeling she had seen her before. Shaking it off, she spoke again. "In that bag… is it a lobster?"

"Why, yes it is. Funniest color I've ever seen, too."

"Would it happen to be green?"

"Yes it is; how odd you knew."

"…Lucky guess. Anyways, I um…" Flustered, Raven frowned. How do you tell an old woman that you needed to get that lobster from her because it was one of your idiot friends? Raven winced. Well… "I need to get that lobster from you because it's one of my idiot friends in disguise."

Chuckling, the lady shook her head. "I'm sorry, young girl, but a young man came to me and specifically told me I needed to get this lobster, so I did."

"Was that all he said?"

"No, but I do not see how that's any of your business."

Becoming even more flustered, Courage seemed to join Wisdom on the reigns and Raven latched onto the bag. "Don't you know eating green lobsters is…" Raven strained against the hold of the old lady. "Is…bad for you?"

"Unhand that bag, miss, or I'll be forced to become physical!" The old woman waved her cane warningly.

"You don't understand, this-" A sickening crack sounded. Backing away, Raven held her hands to her face, eyes wide, too surprised to be mad. "You hit me!"

Lowering her cane slightly, the lady shook it at Raven. "And I will again if you don't scat right now!"

"Listen, if you'd just let me-ow HEY!" Recoiling, Raven held her arms up in defense against the lady's cane.

"Do you want me to call security, ma'am?" Behind the deli counter, the employee spoke, hints of amusement lacing her voice.

"No, no, I have this ragamuffin under control!"

Growling, Raven lifted away, out of reach of the lady's cane. "I'm not leaving until you hand over the discolored lobster." Another explosion caused the store to shudder, making the scene just a bit more ominous, but not really.

"You want this lobster? You'll just have to ask the young man I bought it for."

"Ugh, I don't have TIME for this!" Menacingly, Raven added, "Do not even think about leaving with that lobster. I'll be back." With that, Raven took off back towards the sounds of explosions.

* * *

"Hey, Starburst, catch!" Eris tossed Starfire an apple, which she caught on pure reflex. Suddenly realizing what she had done, Starfire flung it away from her, but got caught in explosion nonetheless, which sent her to the floor.

Leaping at Eris, bo staff extended, Robin artfully swung at her, Eris blocking him, blow for blow. He was somewhat surprised this whiny brat knew martial arts, but his day in general was not at all normal. Managing to grab his staff, Eris leaned in, smiling smugly as they both strained to gain control of the staff. "You know, you're awfully cute. I bet you have pretty eyes behind that mask." Planting a foot, spring included, into his chest, they flew apart, Robin losing grip on the staff. Both landed hard against the tile.

Jumping up, Eris attempted to spin the staff, but settled for a "cool" pose. "Time for the Eris brand theme song!" Laughing her horrible laugh, Eris began to sing. "Oops, you fell again, I kicked your butt, and you lost your staff-oof!" Starfire flew in from behind, knocking hard into her.

"My name is NOT Starburst!"

Flying into the shelves, Eris was showered with bags of flour, which promptly exploded as they hit her and the ground beside her. "No FAAAIR!" Eris kicked her feet, causing the flour to stir even more and Robin to back away slightly. Jumping back onto her feet, Eris reached into the bag that held the apples-

And reached. Groped, dug around, then overturned it and shook it. "Gyah, you have to be kidding me!" Now pretty much unarmed, Eris pulled two sacks of flour from the shelves, launching one at Robin and the other at Starfire. The aisle filled with white smoke caused by the enriched ground wheat, and Eris bolted, looking for more ammo. Coughing and sneezing, the Titans followed blindly, following the sound of Eris' "theme song" and the crashes as she was flung via springs into shelves.

Running into the produce section, Eris made for the fruit, flinging it haphazardly at the Titans the moment they came into view. "No, get AWAY FROM ME!"

Batting the fruit away with his retrieved bo staff, Robin surged forward and managed to nail Eris in the back. Falling to the ground, Eris sneered. "I can't believe you would hit a GIRL!" Punctuating her sentence, Eris kicked Robin's feet out from under him and leapt up. "Don't you have any manners!" she screamed as two blasts hit the stands, either side of her, one from a sonic cannon, the other a green star bolt.

"I think the question is, do YOU have any manners?" Cyborg retorted, cannon leveled at her.

"You...you really wouldn't shoot at me... again, would you?"

"Try me."

Running yet again, Eris fled into the canned foods aisle and started flinging those at them as well. "You guys don't play FAIR!" Slamming into something, Eris fell. Looking up from the floor, Eris' eyes widened at the sight of Raven's dark barrier.

"How's this for fair?" The barrier disappeared, instead wrapping around Eris' legs and hauling her into the air with alarming speed, into another shelf. Cans fell, decidedly more painful than the flour had been. Two grappling hooks shot from the side opposite Raven, one encircling her torso so her arms were pressed hard to her sides, the other wrapping around the ankles. Struggling, Eris recoiled slightly as four Titans loomed over her.

"This shopping spree's over," Robin sneered. "And you just ran out of food stamps."

Struggling harder against her bonds, Eris screamed. "This isn't FAAAIR!"

As if cued by her shrill voice, Granny Smith appeared out of nowhere, face starting to redden with anger. Granny stomped up to Eris and proceeded to scream. "Cassandra Meriweather SMITH! WHAT did you think you were doing? I swear, I was never able to take you anywhere, and this only proves it! Trying to ROB a grocery store and forcing these nice young people to stop a petty thief like you! HONESTLY!"

Tears in her eyes, the girl formerly known as Eris hung her head. "Grandma...did you have to use my middle name?"

Needing to sit down, the closest place being the floor, Cyborg pretty much fell to it with a thump. The other Titans stood there, slack-jawed and wide-eyed. "G-grandma?"

Turning to them, Granny Smith smiled. "Well, we can't all be proud of our relations, can we? Just as well. Cassie is my responsibility; I'll stay with her until the police get here." As an after thought, Granny Smith dropped a plastic bag in Cyborg's lap. "Bought and paid for, young man."

Raven's eyes widened at the bag. "Please tell me that's not…"

Opening the bag for all to see, a lobster lay inside. A very green lobster.

"She bought it and gave it to you! She could have saved that trouble and given him to me!" It was amazing the store was still standing. All that happened was the surrounding cans flew off the shelves at high speeds, forcing all the standing Titans to the ground, fearful for their lives. "And you hit me with your cane!" Raven screamed at Granny Smith. "REPEATEDLY!"

Unaware of the cans flying everywhere due to her sight, Granny Smith stood her ground and simply chuckled. "Now girl, no need to be so angry. That young man told me not to give it to anyone else, and so I didn't. As far as I knew, you were planning on eating it." Now Raven was starting to look green, as the cans, thankfully, dropped to the ground. "And you!" Granny Smith waved her cane in Cyborg's face. "If you hadn't run off like you did before, I would have shown you pictures of my granddaughter." Peering closely at Cyborg for what would be the second time that day, Granny continued, "You are about the same age…"

Cyborg could only stare at the girl who was still tied in Robin's grappling rope, the word "granddaughter" circling his mind. Eris narrowed her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him.

It was Beast Boy who responded, who had crawled from the bag and was finally able to change back to his normal form. "You know, you shouldn't French from a distance." That earned him a glare.

"…Cy? What exactly happened between you two?" Robin's question was innocent, but it was worded so poorly, it sounded like a bad break up was involved. Cyborg glowered.

"Don't ask me that."

* * *

Finally, the Titans managed to reach the check-out line. The clerk was shaky at best, starting at the smallest sound, no doubt due to the many explosions that had rocked the store. Police had shown up, dragging Cassandra out, who was screaming about how the whole thing wasn't fair, Granny Smith following the hoard, hobbling along with her cane. The cart had been found yet again, along with the manager, who thanked them for stopping the girl, and yelled at them at the same time because the store was sporting more than a few black eyes. Clean up was in progress, but just _where_ was he going to get a new freezer door?

For them, being in that store was now not too unlike an arachnophobic locked in a room full of jars of spiders. Harmless, but creepy and nerve-wracking. Cyborg's human eye kept darting around, as if watching for someone.

"So," Beast Boy nudged his cybernetic friend. "What'd I miss while I was caught in lobster tank?" A look of pure evil came over his face. "Maybe you could tell me why you had that old lady 'rescue' me. Did you think she was a hot mama or something?"

Frowning, Cyborg glared at the laughing Beast Boy. "Shut up, weed."

"Weed? What kinda comeback is THAT?" Pausing for a mere moment, Beast Boy continued. "And why'd you tell me to just shut up? So you DID think that grandma was hot!"

"No I don't! I never said that!"

"You didn't deny it though!"

"I'm starting to feel sorry I helped you out of that tank." Looming over Beast Boy, Cyborg growled. "How'd you feel about a trip back in?"

"Hah! I'd like to see you try it with me in this form. I'm not transforming back so you can stick me back in that water coffin!"

Cyborg advanced on a retreating Beast Boy. "I probably can't, but I can try."

From the sidelines, Raven sighed, attempts at ignoring the fight futile. "Now, now, children…"

"Excuse me-" Someone tapped Cyborg on the shoulder, causing him to jump into Beast Boy's arms, causing them both to fall to the floor. "…Friends?"

"Oh, Star!" Cyborg laughed nervously. "I-it's you."

"Gee Cy, jittery much?" Beast Boy attempted to kick him off. "Who'd you think it was, that grandma who 'frightens you'?"

"Until I get up, I'd stop talking if I were you."

Watching Cyborg and Beast Boy squabble for a moment, Starfire decided it would produce more results to speak to Raven. "Friend Raven, perhaps you can assist me."

Tearing her gaze from the very interesting varieties of sodas that flanked the checkouts, Raven looked at Starfire. "What is it?"

"I fear there is something terribly wrong with Robin."

"Well, you did hit him pretty hard when you-"

"No no! I do not believe it was that. While the strange person passed our food over a red light, I saw a most delightful picture placed high above the doorways. I asked Robin about it and now…he just…"

"Just…what?"

"He became so still I felt the need to check to see if he did still breathe."

"Hmmm…" Rounding the end of the checkout, the clerk started at Raven's sudden appearance, shrinking back a bit, but continued, slowly, running items over the scanner and placing them into plastic sacks. "What picture did you ask about?"

Pointing upwards, Raven looked up. It was an ad for a spirit, featuring a statue of a rearing Clydesdale horse. Studying the ad for a few moments, Raven finally spoke. "What…exactly did you say to Robin?"

"I simply stated that while I was somewhat familiar with horses, I did not know that they, like your…'moo cows' could produce milk for consumption."

Paling a bit (which wasn't saying much), Raven coughed. "Starfire? That's…a male horse."

"Yes?"

Behind the girls, Beast Boy and Cyborg, who had stopped fighting for the moment, had followed the girls and were now poking, prodding and pulling on Robin's arms, legs and hair. But during this abuse, the Boy Wonder did not move under his own power once. After Cyborg sat him back into his original position, Beast Boy made his assessment. "He's broken."

The poor, unnoticed clerk, just trying to do his job, hit a snag. For some reason, he just couldn't scan in the price of the canned food. There was no price on it either, so instead of doing the smart thing and typing in the bar code, he opted for price check over the P.A. system. "Umm…price check on creamed corn…"

Without any warning, Robin let loose a bloodcurdling scream, causing all in the surrounding area to jump, except the clerk, who dove under the checkout, screaming his apologies. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!"

Robin made a dive for the can that was currently hiding under the checkout with the clerk. "Whoa boy!" Cyborg's shout accompanied both Cyborg and Raven as they caught hold of Robin's cape, jerking him back into the checkout behind them. Leaning over him, Cyborg grinned slightly. "What'd you think you were doing? Clearing the checkout table in a single bound?"

"Is Robin undamaged? He has returned to his normal state?"

Appearing suddenly beside Robin, Beast Boy proceeded to check Robin's pulse and temperature. "Well, he's not broken anymore…but mentally…I think he's in danger of becoming an obsessive control freak."

"Thank you doctor," Raven deadpanned.

"Wait," Cyborg broke in. "What'd you mean _becoming_ an obsessive control freak?"

Glaring at him, Robin folded his arms. He never knew a supermarket could cause so much mental, emotional and physical pain. "I am never going shopping with any of you ever again."

* * *

When you do your best, there's not much else you can do. Btw, for those that need to know, spirits are another term for alcoholic drinks. My mind has been wandering, anyone notice this animated Robin looks a lot better than his predecessors? I also find it interesting (and highly amusing) that no one commented that Robin looking at a _Good Housekeeping_ magazine was strange. You people worry me. Holy fan fiction, Batman! The final chapter's coming up! 


	3. Let's Keep This Under the Table

Finally, it's the final chapter of this lovely three-shot. I should mention, Eris wasn't taken from _The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy_, although I did think of that particular Eris when I was creating… Cassandra. My thoughts on creating that character…Eris is the Greek Goddess of Discord and Chaos. I just couldn't resist. But the Goddess Eris is actually supposed to have black, bloodstained hair, so I gave her blonde hair. Just remember, when handing out invitations to your banquet, remember to invite Eris, or you'll loose more than just your horse. ;) Also, I wish I could have elaborated more on the relations between Starfire and Robin…that's partially why I took so long getting this out. Peace out!

* * *

Norbert: Our favorite act-war, Oxnard Montalvo, remember what he said?  
Dagget: … "Please don't suck my brain out through my spine."  
Norbert: Yeah, but what else did he say?  
Dagget: … … "I'll never give up!"  
-Angry Beavers

* * *

Coming into the comfort of the tower, the Titans saw the elevator ride to the top not too unlike ascension into their own personal heaven. Spilling out into the common room, sacks were set on the counter and forgotten as more were brought in. 

Frowning, Robin looked down at himself, noticing for the first time he was still covered in the white baking substance known widely as flour, as was Starfire. "Flour does like to stick. I'm going to go take a quick shower."

"I shall as well. Your fine white cooking powder has left me with much of its presence as well."

Shrugging, Cyborg waved them on. "We can handle the baggage."

"Besides," Raven added dryly, coming back up with more sacks, "flour is really hard to get off of any surface and you've already tracked it onto the carpet."

Nodding, Robin and Starfire headed out of the common. Just as they hit the doorway, Robin raised an eyebrow at Starfire. "You know, it might go faster if we share a shower-"

Cyborg's snort cut in, obviously having overheard. "What'd you mean 'faster'?"

"Okay," Raven muttered, rubbing at her temples. "_Way_ too much information..."

"Duuude!" Beast Boy screeched at a fairly amused, hastily retreating Robin. "Do you realize what visuals I have now? I mean-DUDE!" Beast Boy attempted to block out the images by shoving his head into the kitchen counter, which he was currently sitting atop of.

* * *

Robin relaxed against the wall of the shower, allowing the heat to seep through him and work out the knots he managed to gather during the day. The peace he felt was superficial, however, as he heard Beast Boy's screams and Cyborg's shouts carry through the hallways. Not bothering to turn the water off, Robin jumped from the shower, grabbed a towel, wrapped it around his waist and ran out of the bathroom. 

"Titans, what's wrong!"

Raven and Cyborg both raised an eyebrow at Robin. Beast Boy was huddled in a far corner, arms wrapped around himself, muttering darkly. "Great, now I'm gonna have nightmares about the couch."

"Nothing's wrong Robin." Raven didn't even bother proving an explanation for the screams.

"But I heard CY and Beast Boy-"

"Eh... no, Robin, we're fine," Cyborg interrupted. "By the way, nice towel there. Terry cloth, right?"

Blinking at Cyborg's comment, Robin looked down and reddened instantly when he realized the only thing between him and his modesty was a yellow towel, baring his Robin insignia. Grinning sheepishly, Robin slid back out of the room quickly. Moments later, a loud "ACK!" and an equally loud "EEEK!" could be heard, followed by hastily retreating footsteps. Glances were exchanged as Starfire walked into the commons room, blushing.

"Star?" Beast Boy ventured.

Looking at him, Starfire's blush deepened. "Um...I fear...friends...I just saw more of Robin than I ever truly intended to..."

Raven's face became more impassive than usual before she decided she would be better off putting things away in the kitchen. Beast Boy and Cyborg could only stare in horror, making Starfire even more uncomfortable. "I believe the term for something like this happening on your planet… is 'accident,' correct?"

"Uh…yeah," Cyborg replied. "Accident."

"You and Beast Boy are going to have one if you don't help me put this junk away," Raven's voice called from the kitchen.

"No way, Rae! We've got to go torment Robin about this!" Beast Boy exclaimed, fairly skipping towards the door out of the commons, Starfire merely side-stepping to avoid him.

"Yeah!" Cyborg said gleefully, following. The duo stopped cold when every knife in their kitchen appeared in front of them, glowing black.

"Just a fair warning," Raven said, nonchalantly. "I can aim even at this angle." Beast Boy and Cyborg glanced nervously at one another.

"We… we can torment him later. Right?" Beast Boy turned to the equally uneasy Cyborg, who nodded vigorously in agreement as they both retreated for the kitchen.

"Later's good!"

Beast Boy leapt onto the counter to sort through the sacks as Robin returned fully dressed and still a healthy shade of red. Starfire had thankfully moved away from the doorway and was putting the many jars of mustard into one of the empty cupboards.

"Hmm, lessee... chips... soda... peanut butter... apples... heh... oranges... creamed corn... spaghetti? Spagetti _sauce_? Bread!" Beast Boy twitched as he poked a package of bologna before looking at the assortment of foods, most of it amazingly not junk. "Hey, who shopped responsibly!"

Starting to put things away, Cyborg grabbed a jug of milk and opened the fridge door. Recoiling, he slammed it shut quickly and put the milk back on the counter. "So… who gets to clean the fridge?"

"We still have to do that?" Beast Boy asked.

"The blue mold is… creepy," Starfire mused, closing the cupboard door, only to open it again to put away the five gallon jug of mustard, cradling it much like one would a child.

"I'm not going anywhere near that thing," Raven replied, setting some more foodstuffs into the cupboards.

"Well, neither am I," Cyborg replied. "I had a rough enough day already."

"I had to put up with Beast Boy and his 'amazing' jokes all day and was hit by a psychotic elderly woman with a cane."

"Hey, I was stalked by that psychotic elderly woman!"

"No you weren't."

"Well, she was trying to set me up with that psycho granddaughter of hers, that's bad enough!"

"Your think that's bad?" Beast Boy snorted. "Dude, I was crushed by beans and trapped in lobster tank! Lobsters without rubber bands on their claws! Do you know how territorial those things are? One of them was actually trying to EAT me!"

Snorting, Cyborg turned on Beast Boy. "Yeah, we know you wouldn't be able to handle that tender love they have if it came to that. I hear it's freakishly human like."

"I wonder why you know that, Cy. Feeling lonely at night?"

"Why you little…!"

Popping in, Starfire smiled widely. "I was made to deal with a rude glempork who attempted to ask me on a date."

Everyone fell silent for a moment, glancing at the smiling Starfire, then continued arguing about whose day was worse. Frowning at the sound of them (mostly just Cyborg and Beast Boy) arguing, Robin decided to step in.

"Guys, why are you arguing? This isn't getting us anywhere. We should all pitch in and help, as a team."

Letting out a loud snort, Cyborg glared at Robin. "Oh yeah? You weren't the one having a bad day."

Thick silence settled over the area. Robin had ceased all movement once again; this time, however, his gaze was cast downwards and his face was black. Beast Boy nudged Cyborg. "Nice job, Cy. You broke him again."

Only Starfire seemed brave enough to approach him. "It seems we all had a rough day... friend Robin, were you not exhausted by our trip to the go celery store? Do you have the energy and mental stability to cope with this enormous task before us? Are you unwell again? Why do you not speak?"

"My… day?" The sudden sound of Robin's voice startled Starfire. Lifting his head, Robin's blackened gaze settled on everyone within his vision. "My day? I'll have you know, Cy, that I was stalked by rabid twelve-year-olds who forced me to relive the most embarrassing part of my past! Let me tell you something, Beast Boy, try getting hit by an explosion from a brat who steals your bo staff! Who cares about canes, I had to answer Star's questions about _Playboy!_ I'll never be able to look at creamed corn the same way again! I crashed into an employee trying to escape those girls, I nearly killed the cashier…"

Of course, not only did this seem to top them, it also gave them all flashbacks about Robin's lapse at the store and they began to worry about his sanity. All four of them, fearing for their safety from the crazed team leader, backed away slightly, Beast Boy instinctively moving slightly behind Cyborg.

"It was not a milk-giving horse! IT WAS NOT! It was... it was... and… AAAAAHHHHH!" Robin pulled out his bo staff and waved it threateningly at all four of them. "YOU _ALL_ ARE CLEANING THE FRIDGE!"

The Titans looked at him in stunned silence, Star worried, Raven blank, Cy and BB scared. Then, there was a sudden explosion of "Where's that Clean-it-NOW?", "Hand me the paper towels!", "I'll get the sponges!", "I think it's in this bag..."

Sitting on a stool by the counter, Robin sighed. Okay, so maybe his day had its good points, but that didn't matter much to him, as long as he didn't have to clean the fridge. Idly, he began building a tower out of Beast Boy's tofu, watching as the other Titans armed themselves to battle the fridge mold.

Sometime during the chaos, Starfire had found and brought a bucket. "How shall we purge the refrigerator of this mold?"

"It is kinda thick. I don't think just attacking it with a sponge will work." Raven had donned rubber gloves and an apron that had a mass of smilies, hearts, bunnies and rainbows on it. Cyborg was similarly dressed in rubber gloves and a floral apron. Beast Boy simply hid partially behind Cyborg.

"And we know if we hit it with something like my laser or Star's star bolts, it'll go all over the place."

"I won't help you clean that either!" Robin called from behind his wall of tofu.

"Whatever we do, we can't touch it!" Beast Boy cried suddenly. "If we touch it, it will suck us inside the fridge, drink our blood and then spit our lifeless corpses back out into the kitchen!"

Raven handed Starfire an apron. "We only have two pairs of gloves."

"That is acceptable, friend Raven. I do not mind." Pulling the apron over her head, Starfire paused tying it so she could read it. "Kiss…the chef."

Beast Boy perked suddenly. "Hey, wait a second! Dude, that's mine! I bought it ages ago!"

"Why the hell would you buy an apron that says 'kiss the chef?'" Cyborg shook his head at Beast Boy. "You can't cook, at least not normal food."

"Besides," Raven added, "I don't think all the advertising in the world could help you."

"HEY!" Beast Boy looked wounded for only a moment. "Come on, Rae. We all know this is all an act to hide how much you want me-ow!"

Robin peered over the great wall of tofu. "Are you guys going to start cleaning soon?"

"Unless you want to clean this yourself, I wouldn't ask," Cyborg replied harshly, Robin sinking back behind his wall. "So… what do I start hacking at this thing with?"

Raven suddenly handed a large meat cleaver to Cyborg and backed away. Beast Boy, being ordered to, dumped half of a bottle of the cleaner into the bucket then replaced the spray nozzle and handed it to Raven. Carefully, Raven opened the fridge door and immediately showered the mold with Clean-it-NOW!. The mold writhed and screamed as if in pain as Cyborg started-quickly-to hack at it, the others yelling words of encouragement and caution as he tossed pieces of the mutilated mold into the bucket.

Without warning, the mold reached out and engulfed the blade of the meat cleaver. Wrenching it out of Cyborg's grasp, it swallowed the knife, hissing evilly. Cyborg stumbled away, accidentally letting out a high-pitched scream as he fell into Raven. Robin could be heard behind his "wall," laughing hysterically.

"Dude, that stuff's lethal! And it made Cy scream like a girl!"

"Your powers of observation are astounding," Raven replied, catching Cyborg before he could take a flying leap at the green changeling.

Starfire tapped Raven on the shoulder. "May I make use of your gloves?"

"Uh, sure." Raven pulled the yellow gloves off and handed them to Starfire.

"But don't you see? Now it's going to climb out of the fridge and chase us down and eat us, dissolving our bodies in its nucleus so it can grow bigger and stronger and the only way we can stop it is by freezing it! Our only chance is if we drop it somewhere on the North Pole! I'll start the T-Ship up!"

Cyborg grabbed Beast Boy by the back of his collar and hauled him back. "Whoa boy. I think you need to back off on the horror movies." Raven nodded in agreement.

"But it ate the knife! Don't you see? 'The Hideous Blob Thing From Another Planet Who Eats Other Things!' has been growing in our fridge! Am I the only one that realizes the danger we're in!"

Unanimously, Raven and Cyborg replied, "Probably." It was then that Starfire started screaming.

Apparently, Starfire had started digging into the mold herself, tearing it out by hand, despite how frightening it was, and the mold decided to fight back by trying to eat her hand like it did the meat cleaver. Tugging and pulling, Starfire attempted to free her hand from the blue slime. "No! Let go, you bad, evil mold! I will not relinquish my hand!"

"STARFIRE!" As if going in slow motion, Robin burst through his wall of soy product in a show of heroic gusto and leapt over the counter, landing near a startled Beast Boy. Rushing to Starfire, Robin latched onto her arm and both pulled. A sucking sound could be heard as Starfire's hand was suddenly freed, and both fell to the floor.

"Dude." Beast Boy scowled at the slightly dazed Robin. "You better not have ruined my tofu."

"That seems pretty hard to do," Cyborg interjected.

There was a retching noise, causing everyone to look at the fridge. The blue goop had risen, and spit the meat cleaver out at the pair still on the floor. Acting purely on instinct, Robin pulled his cape out, covering himself and Starfire with it as the cleaver flew at them.

In the mere seconds between and during, Robin's mind whirled. When he threw the cape over them, Starfire's body automatically pressed to his, allowing him to feel every curve against him. This resulted in Robin's breath coming up short, and a montage of images that made him feel decidedly uncomfortable. The only thing Starfire noticed was his breath was suddenly coming in gasps and his entire body had stiffened, managing to bring up images from earlier, causing her to blush fiercely.

The knife ricocheted off Robin's cape and shot off, flying up, then dropping back, clattering harmlessly to the floor, between Raven and Beast Boy (Beast Boy was hiding under Raven's cloak, much to her dismay) and Cyborg, who was now on the other side of the counter. Everyone stared at the knife for a moment, then back at the goo in the fridge, which sounded like it was cackling, and evilly at that.

Forcing himself to rise from the floor, Robin began to over-emphasize his arm movements. "That's it, fridge mold. You're going down!" Picking up the released meat cleaver and the abandoned bottle of cleaner, Robin stalked towards the fridge. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Robin leapt at the open fridge, tossed on the rest of the cleaner, and began hacking, roaring the whole time. The fridge mold let out a shriek of alarm before huddling in the back, trying to look small. It didn't help, as Robin finally tore the final largish pocket of slime from the fridge and threw it into its designated bucket. Starfire was quick to grab said bucket and took off with it, flying as fast as she could to get outside the tower.

Once she was out of sight, Robin turned to find his teammates, huddled behind a resurrected wall of tofu, peering at him. Moments later, Starfire could be heard shrieking and star bolts being fired in rapid succession.

"So…" Raven attempted to breech the silence. "I thought you said you weren't going to help us clean the fridge, Romeo."

Smirking, Cyborg added to Raven's jibe. "Y'have to admit, Robin taking that flying leap through the tofu? Pretty impressive." Robin merely growled at him as Beast Boy began snickering.

"Dude, Robin's in LUUUVE!" Beast Boy cackled. "Hey, do you think your children will look like you, or Star?" Sighing dramatically, Beast Boy clasped his hands together and batted his eyes. "It's so romantic! In a creepy…fridge mold way…"

Eyes narrowed, Robin snarled, sounding much like a large dog, causing Beast Boy to jump in surprise. "Just for that, you get to scrub out what's left of the mold."

"What!" Beast Boy was indignant. "No way! I am not-guys, back me up here!" Raven and Cyborg looked at him a long moment before Cyborg grabbed him by his pink and black spandex and tossed him over the counter. "DUDE!"

Once he managed to get back onto his feet, Robin shoved the package of sponges under his nose, his bo staff in his other hand. Beast Boy glared at him and took the sponges. "This so totally reeks, man…"

A panting Starfire reappeared, pieces of blue mold covering random parts of her. "The blue mold was strong, but I was victorious!"

As Beast Boy grumbled about cleaning, Raven turned them back to their original problem. "What do we do for dinner?"

Silence erupted. Beast Boy looked back at everyone. Cyborg looked at Raven. Raven shrugged. Starfire thought for a few moments. Robin suddenly felt cold, as if something bad was about to happen.

Cyborg was the first to speak, clearing his throat before saying, "...Anyone for pizza?"

Amongst the chorus of affirmative replies, Robin felt lightheaded. _All that…for nothing?_ He teetered back and forth before falling backwards to the ground.

"Robin, are you-"

Cutting off Starfire's voice, which sounded faraway and loud at the same time, Robin shook his head. "No, Star. I'm damaged."

* * *

_(After dinner mints, anyone?)_

"Friend Raven, according to this mag-a-zien, if you were a tree of oak, willow or birch, which would you choose?"

"Not interested."

"But-that is not one of the choices, friend Raven."

Raven stopped behind Robin, holding her tea. "If she asks me one more question from that thing, I'm holding you personally responsible for anything that happens after." Raven continued to the other side of the table, tagged by Beast Boy, who was also holding a cup of tea. Sniffing it, he eyed it warily.

"You sure this is any good?"

"I'm sure."

"No animals?"

"They may have accidentally harvested a bird with the leaves."

"Dude, that's not funny! Don't joke about things like that! You were joking, right?"

"Stop following me."

Cyborg came in, waving the evening edition of the paper in his hand. "Hey guys, look what I found, courtesy of two girls who came looking for Robin."

Raven nearly choked on her tea, Beast Boy snorted and was stifled by Robin, which involved the Boy Wonder kicking his chair out from under him-which was about the only thing he could do, he had sunk down so low in his own.

"Girls?" The look in Starfire's eyes bordered dangerous and the magazine burned up in her hands. "For what reason were they looking for Robin?" Cyborg, thankfully ignorant about what had happened to Robin, just waved it off as Beast Boy grudgingly sat his chair back up and sat down again.

"Probably just some fans… willing to take a rowboat out here. Anyways, it seems someone got a good picture of us today." Unfolding the paper, Cyborg set it on the table, front page up. Robin rose far enough out of his chair to see what was there, and instantly wish he hadn't.

The picture was full color, filling a good half of the page. Amongst a flying sea of lobster (a small sea, mind you) Raven was holding Beast Boy in the air with her dark aura, both looking shocked. Cyborg was nearby, spazzing out, apparently shouting something, while Granny Smith knelt nearby, trying to wake the man behind the deli. Dead center were Robin and Starfire, arms, bodies and lips locked in what looked like a very passionate embrace. Robin could have handled the large picture depicting one of his more intimate moments better if it wasn't for the stupid headline. The headline, in its bold letters, read: **_Holy Mouth Music, Jump City!_** Just under the main heading, the subheading read: _You can kiss this bachelor goodbye!_

Robin wanted to die. It was now official, his day sucked.

"Seems like Starfire and Robin got the better shot," Raven commented.

Slapping Robin and Starfire on the back, Cyborg chortled. "That's what y'all get for practicing in public!" Both Starfire and Robin turned about the same shade as Starfire's hair. Sinking back into his chair, Robin opted to hide under the table. He just couldn't seem to sit up anymore, even though he probably could have, were a roll of duct tape employed.

"Wow. If I knew someone was going to take pictures, I would have done to Rae what Robin did to Star."

"If you had," Raven growled at Beast Boy, "they wouldn't be able to find traces of your DNA."

Glancing around at her friends, Beast Boy and Raven now having a glaring contest (something Raven was sure to win) and Cyborg laughing at them, Starfire quietly slipped beneath the table, joining Robin on the floor. "Robin?"

"Yeah Star?"

"Are you unwell? I was not sure when you slid under the table as you did. Did the… picture upset you?"

Shaking his head, Robin replied honestly. "It was the headlines."

"Something about them displeased you?"

_Everything I could possibly say right now would be an understatement._ Grimacing, Robin didn't reply.

Above the table, Raven picked up the paper and scanned the article that took up the other half of the page. "You two are all over the front page." Clearing her throat, she began to read. "If one was to happen by the deli in The Ultimate Grab today, one would have been met with the scene of a lifetime. Witnesses report that teen superheroes, alien female Starfire and Batman's former sidekick, Robin, where seen at roughly 11 A.M. today, as one witness said, 'snogging ferociously.' One wonders about the flying lobsters, but one can assume that had something to do with the dark, mysterious, striking, long-legged, sexy, knock-your-socks…" Raven paused once she realized just what the article was saying and scanned the sentence. "You sure this is a newspaper and not a tabloid?" Cyborg just shrugged.

"Keep reading!" Beast Boy squawked. "It was just getting good!"

"No, you don't have to. Really!" Robin's voice came muffled from under the table.

Throwing a glare in Beast Boy's direction and ignoring Robin, Raven carefully committed the journalist's name to memory, handed it to Rage, and then continued.

"…Titan by the name of Raven, who also had the green-skinned Titan, Beast Boy, in her clutches. And who wouldn't want to be-yeah, okay." Raven scanned ahead a bit more. They actually allowed this to go to print?

"No one can say for certain just how long Robin and Starfire have been in a relationship, but one eyewitness states that this was a very controversial moment. This newspaper can exclusively reveal that Starfire may not have been single when she turned to Robin's affections this afternoon." Eyebrows rose at that comment, and Starfire looked confused. "…Says 'Just call me Granny' Smith, an eyewitness, 'Oh, yes, the young lady who was 'sucking face' with Robin is, in fact, that funny-dressed superhero's girlfriend. Or... what did he call her? A conquest? No, it was 'prospect,' I believe. He tried to make her stop kissing Robin, too!'"

Eyes turned on Cyborg, including Robin's and Starfire's, who could only stare at his legs. Panicking slightly, Cyborg frowned. "Hey, I told you, that lady was crazy. I mean, look at her granddaughter!"

"Prospect, Cyborg? Prospect? Dude, what DID happen between you two?" Beast Boy leaned forward. "Did she ask you out on a date and decide to take her revenge after you turned her down?"

"At least you know I would turn her down."

"Something about this just isn't sounding right," Raven commented.

"Agreed," Robin replied, still under the table.

Shaking her head, Raven continued. "While it is still unclear about the true relationship between the cybernetic titan, Cyborg, and Starfire, most admits the lobsters flying around the area was definitely more strange than the sparks flying between the Boy Wonder and his alien friend."

"Friend? Is that what they call it-ow! Hey! If you're going to be weird and sit down there, keep your hands to yourself!" Beast Boy yelled, pounding on the tabletop as if it was a door. Calming back down, Beast Boy turned to Raven. "Please." He made an outward sweeping motion with his hand. "Continue."

"Speaking of sparks flying, reports also say that before Robin and Starfire where seen, sharing their affection, the beautiful… …Raven could be seen being followed by an amorous Beast Boy. Witnesses say they spent almost the entire time together, talking, laughing, telling jokes… …and cuddling behind a snack cake display!"

"You what?" Cyborg stared at them.

"Were not, don't even try it. Or I might assume the worst about you and dear, old, Granny."

Cyborg glared, but remained silent.

"But you KNOW we should have…" Taking a moment, Raven rolled up the paper quickly and smacked Beast Boy across the head with it.

"Does anyone really want me to continue reading this? Because I could live without it."

"Dude, keep reading!" Beast Boy grinned. "Your voice seems to add to the bad journalism."

"Don't expect a thank you for that."

"As long as it doesn't deal with me anymore, I'm fine." Cyborg nodded and leaned back in his chair.

"I say we should stop."

"I guess it all comes down to Starfire. Starfire?"

Silence reigned for a moment. "Although I respect both sides of this decision, I find this record on our day interesting and… comical."

"…Is that a yes?"

"Yes, friend Raven."

Letting out a sigh, Raven unrolled the paper, found where she left off, and continued. "It also seemed these two love birds were intent on following Robin and a few of his fans, holding hands all the while… and managed to scare the fans off. Judging by Robin's reaction to the two unannounced Titans, he was either not happy or insanely jealous of Beast Boy's topside position-oh, you have to be kidding." Shaking her head sadly, Raven went on. "Witnesses have also reported that when the battle erupted on aisle five that incredibly gorgeous Raven was so concerned for Beast Boy's safety that she tricked him into transforming into a lobster and sealed him in the store's lobster tank to keep him safe-"

"Did you?"

Turning her gaze slowly onto Beast Boy, Raven's eyes narrowed and blackened. Fear rising up in him, Beast Boy shrank back, laughing nervously. "Never mind."

"Reports also say a disgruntled Cyborg went to retrieve Beast Boy, speaking with one of our witnesses, Granny Smith, to get him out. The bea-…Raven was later seen, cat fighting with the woman over Beast Boy. Right. Okay."

"Anything else?"

"Some suspect there's some hidden love between Cyborg, Raven and Beast Boy. An interesting love triangle." Raven looked at the horrified Beast Boy and Cyborg. "Yeah. Triangle." Something could be heard under the table, sounding like Robin choking on something. Starfire could also be heard, asking him what was wrong.

"Where did they get all this stuff to twist? Dude, I think there was a conspiracy against us in that store… maybe Cy was right… but we were ALL being stalked."

"I'm never going shopping again, you can count on that," Cyborg replied. "At least, not there. That place is jinxed."

"One wonders what actually goes on in that tower of theirs. Are Robin and Starfire really a couple? Or are Cyborg and Starfire suffering from a certain Boy Wonder trying to break them apart?"

"Yeah, hey Rob, are you?"

"Shut up."

"Perhaps the sparks between Raven and Beast Boy were more than just the tea and tofu they were shopping for-what? That makes no sense-Can't Cyborg make up his mind? Any way you put it, it's still something to think about, and hope it doesn't hinder their crime-fighting abilities in the future."

And Robin thought the headlines were bad. Burying his face him his hands, Robin groaned.

Thoughtful, Starfire placed a comforting hand on Robin's shoulder. "Perhaps it was unwise to perform such a physical act in a public place. Your kind seems to be most… excited about things like that."

No kidding.

"Perhaps… perhaps we should try again in private, so as not to have the same disheartening after effects?"

At this point, Robin was completely beyond coherent or incoherent thought. Just a white blaze of shock filled his mind, leaving no room for anything else. Starfire needed little encouragement, however, her alien mind processing the facts. Deciding that Earth beings regarded kissing as something spontaneous, especially since Robin's kiss was VERY out of the blue, she simply pulled his face to her and kissed him roughly. His arms automatically pulled her closer as the passion of their embrace soared to dangerous levels. Nobody topside seemed to notice anything.

"Hey, who wants M&Ms?" Cyborg asked, having journeyed into the kitchen earlier for some "comfort food" and now rooting through the large stash of M&Ms that occupied a good portion of the (cleaned) fridge. Cyborg tossed a bag to a fairly eager Beast Boy then looked at Raven.

"No thanks." Raven refolded the paper. "But… I will take all your green ones."

Beast Boy ceased struggling with his M&M bag to stare in shock at Raven. "What?"

"Uh, Rae?" Cyborg wasn't sure if he could take much more of the strangeness surrounding the day's activities.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" Raven asked, slight annoyance edging her voice. It was mostly forced into her words, though, since she was finding the looks on the Titans' faces… amusing.

"Nothing! You just surprised us, is all!" Beast Boy held his hands up in defense. "You don't have to get mad!"

"I'm not mad."

"Then… why is the table shaking?" It was then they noticed that two certain persons of the superhero persuasion were indeed, at very least, not visible.

The coffee mugs that held Raven and Beast Boy's tea were in fact rattling, sloshing the dark liquid over the sides. "Dude, what are you two DOING under there? The table's shaking!" Beast Boy screeched, daring to look under the table. Starfire and Robin broke apart almost instantaneously, breathing hard.

"This does not appear to be a very secluded place after all," Starfire breathed, replacing the strap to her top under her silver armor, which had somehow gotten loose (funny that). "Should we instead traverse to a bedroom?"

Falling off his chair, Beast Boy hit the ground pretty hard, chair falling on top of him. Raven immediately got up and walked off, muttering something about needing to lie down. And Cyborg, poor Cyborg, could be heard from the kitchen. "Heeeere normal life, normal life… heeeereee normal life…"

Amazingly, Robin was not fazed in the least-anymore, that is. He was just glad to have Starfire, and to be out of that hell people called the supermarket. Turning to Starfire, he smiled. "You know what Star? I think we should."

* * *

Heh! The Boy Wonder has wondering hands! (dies laughing at her own joke). So, I hope you enjoyed this final chapter. It's not supposed to be written magnificently or anything of the sort, it's just something that is supposed to make one at very least smile. This has been the most I've written on any single story, chaptered or no. Feel honored (I feel drained…) Who knows; maybe one day I'll finish my Labyrinth fiction too! Later days! 


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